New remote job? Here’s how to avoid an awkward start

If you set your sights on a fully remote role and were fortunate enough to land one, the last thing you want to do is complain. But let’s face it; starting a new remote job is awkward.

We’re here for all the WFH hype: the convenience, the PJs, the money saved (y’all, gas is bananas!) But even remote work enthusiasts have to admit that it does come with downsides, especially when you’re the new kid on Slack. 

And few want to say it out loud for fear that the slightest grumble could send us back to our cubicles, actual pants and all — like Elon demands. 

But if you’re finding your new virtual environment challenging, you’re not alone and your concerns are valid. Having never met your boss or coworkers IRL can be disorienting, and building key relationships can be difficult if you start off on the wrong foot or take too long to break the ice. The best way through is to meet this thing head-on.

“Frankly, your best bet is to embrace the awkward and move past it,” says Andrea Tipton, EVP, Marketing & Talent Solutions at Freeman+Leonard. “Later, you’ll be able to laugh about what may have felt like a fiasco at the time.”

Ready to move past the awkward? Here’s our advice:

1. Getting the cold shoulder? Don’t take it personally.

No matter how welcoming a workplace strives to be, the reality is we’re all outsiders until we’re not. You haven’t proven yourself yet. Your coworkers don’t know what to expect from you, and you don’t know what to expect from them. In fact, you don’t know much about each other at all, and that can be awkward. Niceties aside, new relationships are tenuous at best. 

This isn’t meant to make you feel bad; quite the contrary! Remember, everyone’s human, and most people are doing the best they can with the bandwidth available. Besides, people are busy doing their own jobs, and even the friendliest folks can be overwhelmed by change. 

If you feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder, chances are it’s not intentional, so try to shrug it off. 

Be patient, but also be as proactive and as assertive as necessary. You don’t have to find instant besties, but you do need to forge new connections that will enable you to do your job well. Soon enough, with some concerted effort, you’ll make friends and develop a close network of people you can count on.

So, if no one else is doing it, break the ice! Check in with your manager on the best way to handle it, but don’t be shy about making the first move — introduce yourself over email, invite coworkers to virtual coffee or lunch and participate in virtual watercooler sessions. Be proactive about letting people know you’re excited to be there, open to conversation and eager to fit into the mix.

2. Show up as the solution to their woes.

Do you sense an unexpected undercurrent of negative energy? There may be a backstory you’re not privy to yet, but don’t let it distract you from your mission — showing them that they made the right hiring decision. 

In a perfect world, during the interview process you’d get an in-depth explanation of why your role was being filled. But sometimes it’s inappropriate to share the details, especially if it’s a sensitive subject. And your new company probably wants to put its best face forward by focusing on the positives and avoiding the negatives — as you did. 

Eventually, the full story will emerge, and it may explain a lot about the vibe — but in a virtual space, that’s likely to take a while longer. 

You won’t overhear whispers in the breakroom or have a Chatty Cathy pull you aside in the hallway to give you the scoop. Maybe your predecessor was a problem employee who left behind a path of destruction, or maybe it was someone everyone loved and hated to see go. Perhaps jobs were slashed during the pandemic and people resent that their friends are being replaced. It’s possible the role has been a beast to fill or retain, and some don’t expect you to cut it. 

Or maybe there’s just weirdness going on at the company — bickering between departments, executive drama, you name it. 

The bottom line is, none of it really matters anyway. It’s helpful information to know, but you’re there now and it’s up to you to make the most of the situation. Think of it as an opportunity to shine and demonstrate that you’re there to be part of the solution.

3. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

When starting a new job it’s perfectly normal to be anxious about making a good impression  – but in a physical office, it’s a lot easier to charm your new coworkers. You can show up early every day, dressed to impress, walk around greeting everyone with a big smile, and bring your coworkers their favorite Starbucks drink. This personal touch can be more difficult to achieve in a WFH situation, but it doesn’t change the game completely.

We understand that you’re eager to hit the ground running and find your place on the team, but despite your best effort it can take time. Remember, your new employer wouldn’t have hired you if they didn’t think you could handle the remote environment and fit in with the team. 

So go easy on yourself, and try to be patient. 

There’s no reason to be shy or second-guess yourself now. Is it possible you’ll make a mistake or faux pas? Of course! Nobody’s perfect, and a good manager doesn’t expect it. Don’t let fear of failure or social discomfort stop you from your best effort.

4. Be a sponge: Soak up all the knowledge you can, as early as you can.

Aside from getting to know people, you also need to learn a whole new set of rules, expectations and even language. The trick is to be observant, inquisitive and flexible. Every company is different, even within the same industry. And though several rounds of interviews convinced them that you’re a culture fit, nobody’s actually a perfect fit on day one. This is why we suggest getting into learning mode early. 

It will take some time to learn the dos and don’ts, lingo and nuances — especially when you’re not able to make key observations in person.

If you’ve ever traveled outside the country, you know the feeling. You get off the plane, barely able to speak the language, and (if you’re a conscientious tourist), you’re anxious that a cultural blunder may offend someone. But it’s also exciting and most locals are happy to help.

This is like that. Your coworkers are probably so accustomed to the way things are that they won’t even realize what you don’t know — but they’ll be happy to help if you ask.

Did an acronym or jargon go over your head? Don’t be embarrassed to ping someone on Slack. Are you surprised to learn X department doesn’t handle Y? Ask around until you figure out who does. Does everyone go quiet on Friday afternoons? Don’t schedule a meeting after noon on Fridays. Are email communications more formal or informal than you’re accustomed to? Adapt to signing off with “regards” or “cheers” and keep it moving. 

5. Focus on what you were hired to do.

Sometimes new remote hires simply let their nerves get the best of them. When you’re hyper-focused on hoping people like you, you can lose sight of what matters most — doing a great job!

Maybe you have social anxiety or tend to feel like you don’t fit in anywhere. Many skilled professionals are drawn to remote work for this reason — only to find that the distance doesn’t preclude awkwardness altogether. You still need to connect, person-to-person. The good news is, in remote spaces you have more control over when and how you communicate; lean into that.  

Maybe you’re an extrovert — a total people person — working remotely for convenience, for flexibility or because you decided to roll with the best opportunity and it just happened to be virtual. You can still find ways to let your charisma shine; it’ll take some adjusting, but you’ll get there. Focus more on how your big personality helps you do your job and less on being the life of the party. 

In all the awkwardness of adapting to your new virtual environment, don’t forget that your job performance doesn’t depend entirely on your likability or popularity. 

The best-known antidote for new hire awkwardness is to ramp up quickly so you can begin pulling your weight, making valuable contributions and hitting your goals. Show up every day and give it your best, speak up to offer fresh ideas and keep your boss updated on your progress. 

As your confidence builds and the team’s confidence in you grows, your trepidation is sure to ease.

Congratulations on your new job!

Seriously, hooray! Hats off to you. Landing a new remote job isn’t easy and you’re past the toughest part. The awkwardness is par for the course; nobody else is as concerned about it as you are. This isn’t middle school. Give it some time and before you know it you’ll be showing the next new kid the ropes.   

If anyone’s familiar with the new-hire awkward phase, it’s your recruiter. We hear about it all the time. If you’re concerned that your jitters are affecting your onboarding, we’re happy to talk through your concerns and offer insight based on our experience with the employer. Don’t hesitate to give us a shout.